My husband and I have been married for 5 months now, which makes me pretty new to the military spouse world. However, I dated my husband the last 4 years while he's been in the Marine Corps, so I already had a good idea of what it would be like... or so I thought. The transition from military girlfriend to military wife has been an adjustment! Don't get me wrong I love it and love being married to my husband, but it's not like your typical newlywed adjustments!
If you are a spouse of a service member then I'm sure you are tracking along with me, maybe even thinking, 'mmm girl, I know that's right!' as you read this. However, if you aren't I hope you continue reading, maybe it'll give you insight into a different world or maybe you'll find ways you do relate to this community that you didn't realize before. I wouldn't really say I have advice to give, especially with only having months of marriage under my belt! I would just like to share my experiences as I live and learn. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes, or maybe we share similar stories and It's nice to not feel alone.
Being in a new place with a new community was something that was hard for me at first. Everyone usually thinks 'Oh, it must be nice, you get the travel in the military' and of course it's great to be able to move and live in new places, but it's hard to leave support systems and familiar places. I love San Diego and I have been so blessed to have gotten connected with different groups, like my dance studio, church, and even military friends. If it weren't for those people and environments, I would feel very lonely. To be honest even with all of those people and places, I still fight loneliness. I miss my friends and I miss my family, however I am grateful for my husband and I to be starting our new family and focusing on eachother!
Schedule changes and detachments also took some getting use to. My husbands working schedule has changed 3 times since I moved here. Currently, he's working nights but on call 24/7. Since, I am working from home It has been easier to stay on the same schedule to optimize time together. Unfortunately, not everyone can make schedules work all the time, so I am very grateful we can make the best of what we are given. There haven't been any detachments or deployments since we've been married, so I'm sure if and when that time comes I'll have to adjust and take it all one day at a time just like everything else.
If I am being honest when I first moved here I was so anxious on base. I had been pulled over by MPs (Military Police) when visiting before, so my first impression was pretty terrifying. I didn't know all the rules, lingo, or services offered on base. The idea of going to the commissary sent me into overthinking mode, 'what if I don't have what I need?' 'what if someone yells at me for doing something wrong?' ect. It's kind of silly because it's pretty normal now that I am there every week. We don't live on base, so I think that's why it felt like a bigger deal when I first got here.
If I were to recommend anything to a another new milspouse, it would be to research all the resources available to you! Go to your bases website and get discounts, coupons, employment assistance, courses, counseling, and so much more. I've taken courses and it's been so helpful with meeting people and getting acclimated. I also use the ITT (Information, Tickets, and Tours) for discounted prices around town.
There is elevated stress from constant change and not being able to plan far ahead, when in the military. This can cause unusual marital strains, but open lines of communication and managing my expectations has been something really important and helpful early on in my marriage. A reality is the even though we are married, the military is priority #1. It needs to stay that way for your service members safety and focus on their job. That may be hard to hear, but if you walk in with that expectation you can adjust and lower chances of disappointment or frustration.
I know this may not have been the happiest post, but I wanted to be transparent with the realities milspouses face, at least from what I've experienced so far. I love my life and I love my husband! A big part of that is by being supported and encouraged by those in my life.
I wanted to share some resources that I use and have found helpful:
The MilSpouse Coffee House Podcast
I hope you enjoyed my blog post! I don't usually write about this, but I hope you were able to connect with it and I'd love to hear about our shared experiences in the comments below! Let me know if you like this content and if you'd like to see more.
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